Monday, January 5, 2009

The breakup of America

As I trudged through the blogosphere this morning I came across some Russian guy predicting the breakup of America by 2010. I suppose under Obama anything is possible, but I doubt that America will breakup, at least not in the way that the Russian fellow predicts. He was nice enough to include a map which is below.

Okay, let me make a few comments here. First and foremost, it is highly unlikely that most Americans will come under the influence of another country. We love our freedom too much to allow someone else to take them away. Secondly, there is no reason to think that these sections of the country could not exist on their own and develop trade with the other sections. The "blue" section will probably have some of the best trade options with the rest of the world since Houston boasts some of the biggest air and sea ports.

Moving on to the sections themselves. The section labeled Atlantic America may apparently join the European Union. Perhaps Massachusetts, New York, and DC would join the EU, but the rest of those states love their guns way too much. New Hampshire's state constitution still gives them the right to secede, does this guy really think a state that would leave that in their constitution, would turn around and join the EU? Pennsylvania also has one of the highest populations of hunters and gun owners, joining the EU would not even be an option. Vermont is too libertarian, so we will not even entertain that idea, and our friends south of the Mason Dixon would never be referred to as a European, or worse, a Frenchie.

Then we have the Texas Republic, which will supposedly join Mexico or be under Mexican influence. Yes folks, Texas is the same state that is home to the Minute Men, a volunteer group of people who patrol the border. This state is also the reason we have the Motto "Come and Take It". Like I said before, Houston has some of the biggest sea and air ports, and there is no reason to believe that the Gulf States, and thus the states bordering them, would not thrive. Texas also reserves the right to secede in their Constitution and there are actual groups set up in the state of Texas who are ready to make this happen should that ever need to happen. Instead, the country of Mexico should be more worried that the Texas Republic will take over.

Heading to the North we have the Central-North American Republic, which will join or be influenced by Canada. At first these states may not have a problem joining Canada, after all, out of all of those options Canada would be my choice as well. However, once those states realize that socialized medicine sucks, and that Canada has some pretty strict gun laws, those states will problem join the Texas Republic. Colorado and Kansas are already close enough to Texas to make a clean get away, and I think Montana, Wyoming, N. Dakota, S. Dakota and Nebraska would quickly follow, after all they have some of the best hunting in the country and where there is hunting there are gun owners, and where there are gun owners there is no room for Canada. The 8 states left of the Central-North American Republic are a toss-up, after all we never really know what Ohio is going to do, and Canada will probably give Wisconsin back once they realize that the CFL will have to play the Green Bay Packers.

And last, but certainly not least is what the Russian Professor refers to as The Californian Republic. The very name strikes fear in my heart, as California is really no better than a foreign communist government. Fittingly, the map says that the Californian Republic will go to China or be under Chinese influence. I do believe that the state of California will go to China, after all California law and Chinese law is not that distinct, but I think the other 6 states will quickly distance themselves, joining the growing Texas Republic. The Loss of California is not really a huge loss, after all we would no longer have to worry about the rubbish that comes out of the CA 9th Circuit Court.

I have not yet addressed Hawaii or Alaska. The map says Hawaii will probably be lost to Japan or China. That is a likely assumption, but I would much rather have it go to Japan than China, at least if it goes to Japan I would be more willing to visit. It also says that Alaska will go to Russia, which could also be likely. Canada and Russia will probably fight over it, but I think both countries should be more worried about Sarah Palin and her hunting rifle. Hunters usually hunt in packs and where there is one moose slaying bad ass there will be many more.

All in all my America looks much different, with a definite 36 states staying, 8 states being in a toss up between Canada and the New American break up, and a definitive loss of 6 states, but really, did we need those states any way. We would all be better off without California, the Kennedy's in Massachusetts, and of course Washington DC.

Sorry Russian Professor, we do not break up as easily as a communist Russian empire.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for reading and commenting. Keep it civil. I reserve the right to delete comments if necessary, but I do not like to do that so do not harass other readers and all will be well.

Spam is not tolerated, nor are assholes.