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Friday, September 5, 2008

Insomnia is killing me


Insomnia has struck again and here I am in blog land. I tried everything that people tell me to do short of taking medication. I will lie in bed for hours, eyes closed, tossing and turning hoping that sleep will come, and it never does. People say if I just lie there with my eyes closed I will eventually fall asleep; sometimes "eventually" does not come until 5:00am. I do not count sheep or any other type of livestock, this is just asinine. The fact that I am attempting to count to however high keeps me awake because it makes my mind active.

It is not that I am not tired, I am exhausted really. My body implores for me to put it to rest, my eyes burn and ache from being open and alert for so long, my mind begins to function just a bit more slow because it knows that it should be asleep.

It is nights like this that I am reminded that I was never able to get much sleep. As a young child I had horrifying nightmares that would wake me from my sleep and never let me slip back into a more child friendly dream land. After a few of these previously mentioned nightmares it was not very hard to convince me not to sleep. A funny thing happens to the mind of a child who lies awake most of the night, that child begins to become aware of the things that go bump in the night. Every noise is a monster under the bed, every blink of the eye uncovers a shadow that was not previously there or a shadow that looks a lot like a creepy flesh eating alien, and wasn't that flesh eating alien, I mean shadow, on the other side of the room a few minutes ago?

Those of you who know me know that I do not believe in monster's under the bed or flesh eating aliens, but I do believe in the paranormal and spirits. I believe that things are indeed haunted and the house I grew up in for the first 17 years of my life was indeed haunted. I only know that this is true, and I am not crazy, because the things that happened in my home were confirmed by other people on many separate occasions. Throughout high school the combination of recurring nightmares, the above mentioned haunted home, and a serious chronic condition of insomnia left me awake most nights of high school.

There was always a reason for me not to be asleep, so what keeps me awake these days nights some may ask. I wish I knew my sleeping friends. It is currently 3:21am eastern standard time and I am not afraid of ghosts or monsters or aliens. I have not been having any nightmares, as a matter of fact I have not been having dreams at all. That is actually not a good thing because it means I am not getting into deep REM sleep which also means the sleep apnea is probably acting up or getting worse. Could it be sleep apnea that is keeping me awake? Probably not, sleep apnea only affects you once you are asleep and seeing how sleep around here is rare I do not think the sleep apnea is causing me to stay awake. I do not know the reason why I can not sleep. The past two nights I have been to bed by a reasonable time, which for me is before 2:00am, and I have been sleeping the entire night until about 9:00am or 9:30am. Perhaps asking for three nights of adequate sleep is too much of a task for the sand man. Obviously none of my childhood and teenage tormentors are to blame, but I have no idea what is to blame.

The upside is that while I am awake I have more time to figure out the cause. It also gives me a lot of time to think about other things in my life. Solve lives little problems, plan out what to do next, but I am not sure if a sleep deprived mind is a good thing to use when trying to think about life's problems. It usually creates problems that are not there in the first place, but I do accomplish some things because of the insomnia, like this blog for example, and reading about Austrian economics.

I am not sure what is causing my insomnia but if the answer comes as slow as sleep does it will be a very long time before I sleep well. Now I am going to try to sleep once again and I am hoping that sheer exhaustion will over ride the insomnia.

Until next time, sleep well my friends and have sweet dreams.

Anthony

1 comment:

  1. I have spurts of that, usually when I'm working a convoluted case and my brain keeps working in my dreams. I wake up, having slept, but exhausted.

    It's never easy. I hope you get some rest soon.

    ReplyDelete

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